the jimmymac attack!

Here in Banciao, Taiwan they put a whole new perspective on the old bumper sticker, Baby on Board. I don't know why someone created that phrase but it's been a popular bumper sticker in America for about 20 years. Well in Taiwan they love to drive motorcycles and scooters. They are used by individuals, couples and delivery people. Some men have carriers so they can deliver propane tanks with their scooters. In Banchiao they also like to drive without helmets. I believe by law they are supposed to wear helmets but Banqiao is the wild west of Taipei. Many people drive around without helmets. Also many people use scooters as the family vehicle. It's not unusual for example to see a whole family of mother, father and two kids on one little scooter. I don't know if this is legal either but in Banchiao who cares? Last night I saw the baby on board which spurred me to write this. Two adults were riding with helmets on. Then there was a little toddler of about 1 year old standing on the seat between them. The baby did not have a helmet. It's like the opposite of America once again. At home you will see kids on bicycles wearing helmets while the adults go without helmets. But then those are bicycles. I'm not sure what these people are thinking here but there you go. Seems like madness but it's the Taiwanese way. Maybe all the helmetless riders in Banchiao explains why the place is so crazy. Too many people have fallen off bikes and suffered brain damage. But they obviously lived to ride another day! Like the guy going down the street with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and talking on his cell phone. The fact that he is multi tasking his bad habits on the street is not unusual. But it got my attention because he was also driving about 30 mph on his motor scooter with just one hand and no helmet. He needed the other hand to hold the cell phone and the cigarette was dangling from his mouth because he had no more hands for it. I guess he had to go helmetless to show everyone what a man he is. Not everyone is nuts here of course, just some of them.

There are organizations that keep track of all kinds of things in the world. So someone somewhere calculates how many cell phones there are in countries around the world. In America there are about 50 cell phones per 100 people. That is quite a lot when you consider that little kids and old people would not have them. But it is nothing compared to Asia. In Taiwan there are about 107 cell phones per 100 people. How is it possible? Again of course five year olds and eighty year olds do not have cell phones in Asia either. So how can there be more cell phone users than there are people? The fact is it is not unusual to see a woman or man with two cell phones. I've seen several young woman with three cell phones. And there's probably some people with four or five or more - who knows. Why? Maybe because one is personal and one is business or often people have phones with two or three different telephone companies. If you call a friend using the same company your charges are much less. So it all seems like madness but it's the way it is. Another factor is that North America has the oldest most widely wired home network in the world. Most everyone has a home phone and many people don't need or want a cell phone. In Asia the home phone system is not as well established and some people don't have home phones and just use cell. I had just a cell phone here for months. In fact I did not get a home phone until I got internet access at home and the company gave me a phone number with the internet service. So if you find people on cell phones are annoying come to Asia for some fun. Out shopping and on the subway I bet 80 to 90% of the people have a cell phone or two or three.
Which reminds me the cell phones work in the subway here too. The world is a changing.

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Sometimes it is just as strange as fiction. In the movie Hitch (good movie) the character played by Will Smith uses a little dog to arrange a meeting between a guy and a beautiful lady. A similar thing happened to me last night for real. However I don't think it was contrived at all. It was just the reversed situation to the movie. The little dog ran into the elevator in exactly the split second before the doors closed and I was alone in the elevator with the dog. I hit the open button but it was too late. Little dogs are fast. So I'm in the elevator with this little mutt and going to the 5th floor. On five of course he races out when the doors open. So now I'm trying to get him back so I can try to take him back to the first floor. He would not come back. So it took so long to try to lure him back that finally his owner came up to 5 on another elevator and got him. Unlike the movie there was no romantic ending. His owner was a lady but not very beautiful and she did not speak English. No romantic encounter for me.
Little dogs are very popular in Taiwan. They seem more like peoples' toys than pets. People carry them around all the time. People love little puppies and little dogs. I don't think they like them so much if they grow up and get bigger. There are also many, many stray dogs on the streets. Maybe if the little puppies get big people kick them out.
In January I took a short trip to Hong Kong and Shenzhen, China. Now I was only in China for about four days but I did not see any stray dogs wandering the streets like in Taiwan. But I did see dog on the menu in restaurants. What is worse? Dog on the menu or living as beggars unwanted on the streets? Yes, I am not a great animal lover but maybe its better they are on the menu and they are enjoyed and appreciated instead of unwanted and abandoned on the street.

I just came back from the Banchiao night market aka 'the cesspool'. It's friday night so it was wall to wall people - with motorcycles driving through the crowd like they are entitled to do. I do not think they should be entitled to drive through a pedestrian mall but its the Taiwan way. They drive on the sidewalks, roads, markets, you name it. The motorcycles only do not go places where physical barriers have been put up to stop them. Even then they will find a way around the barriers.
Sometimes the market is fun. Maybe because I have not been there every day for the past two weeks it was fun today. I buy a mango shake there regularly. I do not have to order because when they see me they know what I want. I am also some comic relief for them. At the fruit stand they do not speak english so we communicate in simple chinese. I say, 'I want 1 mango drink' in my stilted chinese. There is a lady there that everyone decided long ago I have a crush on. I like her but she is no raving beauty. So then I say, 'Achi is beautiful' again in chinese. Everybody laughs. Then I say 'Achi is my girlfriend'. My whole vocabulary consists of about 5 sentences. I will say, 'the weather is beautiful' even if its 95 degrees farhenheit. Then they say, the weather is terrible! Only Achi is allowed to make my mango shake and she gives it to me and I ask in chinese, 'how much?'. I always do this although I've had about 250 mango shakes. Achi is very high spirited and starts a rant in chinese about how stupid I am to ask how much? every time. I do not understand what she says but can tell she is telling me I'm a blithering idiot. It's all good fun and we laugh and laugh. I'm good for something. Comic relief. A little mirth and merriment at the old cesspool. Comic relief.

There are about 1 million motorcycles in Taipei. I am not kidding or exaggerating. There are over 500 motorcycles per 1000 people. That is how people who keep track of these things count. There are more motorcycles per person in Taiwan than in any other country in the world. By motorcycles I mean what we would call scooters in America or Europe. Ask a Taiwanese person and they will tell you, 'its very convenient'. Yes, it is very convenient if you are a motorcycle rider. If you are a pedestrian it is another story completely. I would not use the word convenient to describe the motorcycles. I might be inclined to say they are a pain in the bloody ass. You see the motorcycles do not just stay on the roads as you would expect of a motorized vehicle. It seems the motorcycle drivers think they should be able to use the roads and the sidewalks also. Silly me, from where I'm from the sidewalks are usually built for pedestrians. In fact the motorcycles not only drive on the sidewalks but often the sidewalks are the parking lots for motorcycles. Where I live in Banchiao sometimes you can barely walk on the sidewalk because there are so many motorcycles. And again I am not kidding or exaggerating. But the motorcycle riders will tell you, 'its very convenient!'. Yea, in a pigs eye I say. Sometimes to walk on the sidewalk I must turn sideways to slip between a wall and motorcycle. Again no exaggeration and I am not a fat person at all. Forget about pushing a baby carriage or wheel chair on some sidewalks or even walking beside a friend. Ladies with babies and old people in wheel chairs go on the road! You would think the motorcycles should be on the road and the baby on the sidewalk! In Taiwan things are reversed from what makes sense. Sometimes I go for a mango drink in the night market. At my favorite fruit stand there is a normal space of about four feet to walk in. Occasionally a motorbike driver will park their bike right across the entrance. To get in you have to turn sideways and slip through the small space left between the counter and the motorbike. I find it unbelieveably rude, inconsiderate, maddening and frustrating. But what is more unbelieveable is it seems I'm the only one who objects or cares about this intrusion. Everyone just slips around the bike. No one pushes it aside or swears or kicks it. It is all very, very amazing to me. Motorcycles/scooters, they are so convenient!

Dining out in Taipei - bring your own napkins. Yes I am making a huge generalization here again but many, many eating establishments here do not provide napkins. I am comparing to Canada and the US again but there seems to be some unwritten rule in America that restaurants provide napkins. Even donut shops and greasy spoons and take out places provide napkins. In Taiwan many places do not. Yes some do and I apologize to them for making this sweeping statement. But so many do not it is quite 'normal' to bring your own. I'm not kidding. I carry napkins in my pocket and bag. In fact some very smart enterprising people advertise by handing out little packets of tissues with advertising on them. It's brilliant! I've been in many places with a friend and we both pull out our little packet of napkins. I guess it is all ok when you get used to it but coming from another place it's hard to get used to it. Then there are the places that have napkins but they are about 2 inches square. They look like little toy napkins. So at least they provide something but it's almost a joke. A friend recently asked me what is my favorite food in Taiwan? I had to think a minute and then said I really do not like most of the food in Taiwan. I'm sorry but I've been deeply disappointed in the food here. I know it is a matter of taste but a lot of the food here is not to my liking. I came with some expectations I know. I love Chinese food but at home the Chinese food is from Hong Kong and mainland China. I love the food in Hong Kong! But Taiwan is a whole different story. Half the time here I do not know what I'm eating and no one can tell me. And then half the time it seems like they have sucked all the flavor out of the food and they don't even put some soy sauce on the table to help. Coming here made me think... Have I ever seen a Taiwanese restaurant anywhere else in the world? No. I think there is a reason for this. 3 guesses why. I'm not the only one who feels this way about Taiwanese food. The really funny thing is Taiwanese people will always say the food is delicious! And they mean it. They love the food. What else about dining in Taiwan. If you asked what I don't like about it I would have to say, let me count the ways... There are so many things I don't like. In Hong Kong I sat down and was given a cup of tea without asking. I could have dropped to my knees to thank god. In Taiwan it seems I cannot get hot Chinese tea for love or money. They will charge me $150 NT ($6 cdn) for what you get in Hong Kong or Canada for free. After all Chinese tea is just boiling water poured over some tea leaves. But I love it. The other day I got 'Chinese tea' in a restaurant in Taipei for about $5 cdn. It was not what I call Chinese tea but fruit tea and it had a tag on it 'Ceylon tea'. I did not know Ceylon was now part of China. Actually Taiwan has a lot of good tea but for some reason you must go to special tea shops and pay a fortune. I think it's strange that in Canada they give it away free with every meal in every Chinese restaurant. Then along with the mini napkins or no napkins are the mini forks. I am comfortable with using chopsticks and don't mind using them. But nobody uses chopsticks to eat cake. We use forks and so do Taiwanese. But the forks they give you are not really forks. They are more like toy forks or toothpicks with two prongs. They are so small it is ridiculous. To use them you must balance the food on them so they make eating a difficult task. Eating cake should be a pleasure not an ordeal. If I was staying here a long time I would start to bring my own fork because I love to eat cake. Dining in Taiwan, never boring, but not always a pleasure.

I quite like that word,
It is used quite a lot,
Although it is often unnecessary.
Why?
I think it is because many people also
like its sound quite a bit.